Freedom-Cry

September 2007

I just got my new "Architectural Digest" magazine.  As usual, the magazine had some of the most beautiful houses imaginable.  As I open it and read the section of houses for sale, low and behold, I see a mansion on the water in Lake Worth, Florida.

Nostalgia hit me like a wave.  I had images of my parents in their retirement house in Boynton Beach and one of our first Florida cars, an old Chrysler (without air conditioning in the 1970's).  We as a family would drive up from Miami, partially on the turnpike and partially on I-95 in the 1970's to visit "Oma" and "Opa" (German for grandma and grandpa).  For entertainment, we drove around since we did not have much money and gas was inexpensive before the oil crisis.  At the time, I had three little children and my wife.  My memory of my father, Opa, was the strongest.  He was a classic strong German figure.

These memories were bittersweet for me since it reminded me of my inability while incarcerated to call my family whenever I want and talk about past memories when I was young and a free man.  It was another world and time in my life when my parents were still alive.  Even with the disagreements with my father, it was wonderful to have my parents so close.

I almost had to catch my breath for the feelings were so strong - love, family ties, freedom and the simple things in life.  As I let the feelings go, it makes me feel like crying.  I was caught off-guard by the stark realization that I would not connect with my parents, my mother passed away last year; I am not able to enjoy retirement with my wife, or have the enjoyment of grandchildren visiting me at my house, or other joys that free men enjoy.

This memory brought back other memories of times in the car spent with family.  I recalled as a family visiting my Venezuelan in laws (Abuelitos in Spanish).  I remembered us driving around Coral Gables in South Florida one Christmas to see the Christmas lights.  There was a manger scene in the triangular park along Coral Way and I remember the joy of parking the car and walking with my little children to see the scene.

While I hate this prison situation of prison and many years stolen from me and my family, I also thank God for the memories, for the times, however brief, of what now is a nostalgic moment,  is heavenly.  I yearn with my whole being to be free once more and in my old age to be one with my family.  I will not see Oma, Opa, or the Abuelitos on this earth again, but I can dream of reuniting with my children, my wife and my grandchildren.

There are three things they cannot take from you in prison, your memories, your education and your family

I will continue to write essays that exhibit my human side and that I am not a hardened criminal as many assume my sentence equates to my personality.

write to me at

freegenefischer@yahoo.com